Asking for Help

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. This has probably been the most repeated piece of advice I have received with reference to internships and starting my career. Over and over again, I hear that I am not supposed to know how to do everything and that I am expected to ask questions. But one thing I learned about myself this summer, was that I tend to not like to ask for help. I prefer to try by myself multiple times so that I can ask specific questions. I like to figure things out on my own and tend to think I learn more doing it this way. I am very independent and often equate asking for help as being a sign of weakness. This past week, however, I learned that there are times when due to either physical or mental limitations, asking for help is not only ok, but the smart thing to do. There are times when not asking for help can actually prove to make you weaker than if you had admitted the need for assistance.

The first situation that forced this realization happened last week when I hurt my back. Historically, I have not been very injury prone, and am not used to having to sit out of physical activity. When sitting up became an issue for me, I realized that I was not going to be able to heal without asking for help. And I needed a lot of help. I needed friends to drive me to the doctor in the middle of the night, professors that would understand that I would have to reschedule tests, peers that would post-pone meetings for me, and classmates to take notes for me. To me, just asking all of these people to help was a lot of work. It was a stressful situation to know that someone else was being inconvenienced because of me. But I quickly realized that without their help, my back would not get better and I would need more help for an extended period of time. This is when I started to realize that sometimes trying to do things on my own was not smart.

Another time I needed help last week was with a school project. It involved using Excel to value a stock, something that still intimidates me more than it should (probably because I didn’t ask for help in the beginning). I didn’t even know where to start. So I didn’t, for a long time. In fact, I waited until two days before it was due to start working on it. This just happened to be the same time that my back was hurting and walking back and forth to campus was not sounding very enticing. It was at this point that I realized calling a friend was my only option. I needed guidance to even be able to start the project. Sometimes it’s hard to admit that you can’t do something, but in the end not asking for help can hurt you more in the long run.

1,2, GO

For the first time since beginning this project, it hit me that it was actually happening. That I was actually going to have the opportunity to make this dream a reality. That people were now counting on me to get this done. And that it was actually going to be about a thousand times the amount of work I had ever imagined. The range of emotions I was feeling after our first meeting with Paschal was incredible. Excitement turned to an overwhelming feeling which turned to an extreme sense of determination and then back to feeling overwhelmed again. Though it was incredibly encouraging to hear the administrators respond to our idea with more of a “when can we start” than a “I’m not sure how we will make this work,” it was also quite daunting to think about the work necessary to produce the formal presentation with two alternatives and present it to the school in the next month.

Something we did as a team when we started to realize how many tasks were ahead of us, was to decide how to best structure meetings so that we could stay focused and not try to do everything at one time. We have decided to have twice weekly meetings with an occasional third meeting. In the beginning stages these meetings will be focused on the business side of the project. We will leave the creative part for our third meeting of the week, or for a few weeks down the road after we have an established structure. We have noticed how off track we tend to get when we start thinking about the “fun things” and how overwhelmed we get when we realize all of these things do actually have to be completed. This design will give us the ability to keep each other on task and organize our thoughts in a more meaningful way.

An Outspoken Introvert

For years I have blamed my fear of speaking or networking on the fact that I am an introvert. I am just a naturally reserved person, that generally prefers thinking to speaking, or at least tends to think long and hard before speaking. As I grow and develop, I realize that this is not an excuse. I should not allow myself to rest on my introverted personality to excuse my lack of eagerness to speak up. This post is not a plan to “overcome” introversion. It is not even intended to help me “deal with” introversion. Both of these statements would make it seem that introversion is some type of personality weakness and this is not the case. The difference between the two personality types is the source of their energy. Networking or public speaking can be draining tasks for introverts, but have a recharging effect for extroverts. With this in mind, I know that I can perform just as well in public situations with the right amount of preparation and practice.

I have decided to focus on this preparation and practice over the next several months. I will take all opportunities presented to speak in front of people or attend networking events. I recognize that it will feel forced at times, but it takes many repetitions to create a habit. Last night was a great example of this. I was asked to do announcements at the end of the Ignite service. As usual, my first reaction to the request was fear. But I said I would and thought about what to say before taking the microphone at the conclusion of the event. I only had two points to say, but nerves were still ringing through the speakers as I made the announcements. My voice was shaky and I spoke quickly leading to a small hit to my confidence. At first I was worried that this experience would effect my next chance to speak, but quickly realized that I was thinking about it the wrong way. Public speaking (no matter how many words) is something I want to improve. Improvement takes practice, and practice inherently means mistakes. Looking forward, I will always look at speaking opportunities as practice and will feel good about finishing the practice no matter the outcome. Eventually, I will forget that I am practicing and will feel comfortable speaking anytime I am asked. I would like to point out however, that when I reach the point that I no longer hesitate to speak, it does not mean that I am no longer an introvert. I am simply an outspoken introvert. I will always enjoy time to myself to think and to write, as this is where my energy comes from.

Here is an interesting article I found:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html

 

Passion to Jump

During the Neeley First-Year Symposium earlier this week, Dean Erekson asked me how I was different than I was as a freshman and I was slightly taken aback. I was staring out at the room filled with freshman pre-business majors and was hit with so many thoughts all at once. How had I not changed, I was thinking to myself. I couldn’t decide what to talk about when suddenly I realized that I was sitting on a stage in front of several hundred people right next to the Dean of a top ranked business school. And on top of that, I was at least somewhat comfortable in that position. It made me laugh at my freshman self who hardly slept the night before her first presentation in basic speech. My first reaction to this realization was that I had conquered my fear of public speaking, but the butterflies in my stomach told me otherwise. I came to understand that I may never see the end of my nerves when I am in front of people, but my confidence as a person and as a leader has grown to the point that that fear becomes irrelevant. The joy I have in sharing my experiences at this school far outweighed my reservations about speaking. This again solidified my theory that passion defeats fear in nearly any circumstance.

In my exit review at my internship this summer, my manager was talking to me about speaking up more. She said she understands that it can be difficult as an introvert to step up at times, but that this was a part of life. Her exact words were, “you have to get over it.” There comes a time in your life when you realize that some of your weaknesses are not as scary as you thought they were. The wall they represent in your self development does not stand as tall as you might have thought. Sometimes it takes a bit of a jump, but when you get to the other side, you forget it was ever there. You just have to find what makes you jump.

Purpose

Lately, I have found my thoughts focused primarily on my project. No matter what I am doing, I always seem to find a way to link it back to the business and ask myself how I can use my new knowledge. One thing that has been on my mind specifically is purpose. This represents the foundation of my project. To me, the lack of purpose is the root cause for many problems that challenge young adults. In Next Gen, we talk often about having challenging but attainable goals. This is also based on the idea of purpose. Purpose gives direction and inspires passion, and it is my opinion that passionate, driven people are more successful and less likely to get into trouble. This idea is supported by my own experience in planning this project. I am so excited and feel so passionate about the purpose of this project, I am not distracted by anything. Even the possibility of failure rarely enters my mind.

“And we know that all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

-Romans 8:28